Today is one of those days I feel like my life is a soap opera God and the angels enjoy in heaven. The kind where bets are placed concerning the next action and opposing reaction to occur. I imagine them crowding in front of a huge screen, munching on some eatables and jumping happily when their favourite cast comes on screen. I see them leaning towards the light in anticipation of my next hurt, mess or fuckup. When I finally attain a new level of clownery, I imagine the jubilation and awarding of bets for those that staked claims that happens up there.
Today is another day I feel like a rat in a maze who is allowed to learn a particular escape route and once close to victory, a plot twist is introduced and a new route filled with trials, tribulations and near death experiences that has to be learnt and overcome opens right up. A never ending cycle created by the scientists who record my actions and try to create a theory based on whatever aim they are trying to achieve.
Today is a day I feel like an afterthought God created. Some âOh! I still have some more clay. Let me quickly carve somethingâ kind of situation where He thrusts me into Earth with no proper script and plan. A âmay the odds be in your favourâ moment.
Today is another of those days where I just want to sit down in the dust and weep till I cannot breathe anymore. A day I want to bare all the pain and hurt that I have come to wear comfortably like a second skin. A day where I want to be able to say âI am not fineâ with all sincerity and resignation when asked how I am. A day I finally let myself feel.
But alas, today is the day Iâll remind myself that black donât crack and no matter what, I have to pick myself up and keep moving. A day I remind myself to push my feelings back into the closet they are trying to escape from and get my head in the game. One of smiling through the pain, a lot of âIâm fineâ with a sprinkle of âdoing greatâ. A day of making others feel better and laughing away their sorrows. Another day of fighting.
Today is definitely not the day I give up!
To give up is to pause the day. to give up is to pause the strongness of the heart. giving up is faint of heart. Pause of heart beat doesn't Mean stop of heartbeat. Never pause your heartbeat and if you must pause do remember to let it play again.
This breaks through every defence mechanism I thought I had every time I read and sets me to accept I am beautiful and 'beyoutiful' every second I'm down. Thank you for putting this up.
Definitely not today!!!!...Thank you b. Thanks for coming through for me with this writeup
Definitely not today!!.. Not ever!!..best way to start a new week..nice one
This is what I just needed
Thanks sis.