To the altar?

This blogpost is going to be centred around marriage. I know some of you are already thinking “what does this unmarried one know?”. All I can say is “My God doesn’t wear flip flops so He can never flop”. I will still say my piece. If you like do face like bread that has been left out for ten days. That is your business. Thank you and God bless!

So a week ago, I was brainstorming with a friend about topics for her radio show and the issue of “must all relationships lead to marriage?” came up. We decided on something else and 14 hours after the initial mention, the topic came back ringing in my head. So tada!!!!!! Here we are!

I’m sure some people had already started preaching to themselves about “purposeful dating” once they saw the topic (Billions, na you I dey sub o). On the days I feel like deceiving myself, I actually say so too. I rant about how I cannot and will not date any man I cannot marry but the truth is, I’ve been saying this for years and doing the complete opposite.

We have established that not all relationships will get to the altar. Some will end in tears, some asoebi, and on very sad occasions, the asoebi will turn to tears. Sometimes we meet people and start catching feelings. Despite knowing that relationship isn’t ever leaving the dockyard, we get on board screaming “aye aye captain” like my baby cousin when he’s watching spongebob, put on our beautiful costume and carefully apply our clown makeup while introducing ourselves. “Hi, you can call me boo boo the fool” we say. We let the whirlwind of romance sweep us away and at the end of it all, we are but a lonely uprooted tree. “I’m here for a good time not a long time” right?

Well, I have dated some questionable characters (if I start to talk ehn!!!!) that I knew I could never marry but it didn’t stop me from being starry eyed and following them around like the proverbial fly. I convinced myself that I actually saw a future with them. Thankfully, the scales fell from my eyes and my name was changed to Paul. Hallelujah somebody! Goodbye Saul! I’m sure you are waiting for the part where I talk about regretting dating them. Well, there are some people that I wish I stayed home and counted the amount of drops in a tank of water with a dropping pipette but ultimately, I learnt a valuable lesson from all - situationships or not. I learnt about my weaknesses, strengths, triggers, red flags and dealbreakers. I left every relation/situationship armed with a new life lesson that I applied in my life. Today, I’m better as a result of them.

To be honest, if two people really like themselves and have enough common ground with values aligning, I really think they should go for it. We really should stop over planning about the future and forgetting to live in the moment. Sometimes, you can meet someone, plan your wedding to the T and your game ticket go still cut. That’s life for you. Most times we miss out on beautiful relationships with a lot of life lessons just because we think we cannot end up being married to them. What about the ones that are the ultimate “husband/wife material” but end up being the material used to stuff pillows when the relationship starts? It’s okay to think about and plan your future but that shouldn’t stop you from living in the present.

I am not saying you should get into a relationship with someone you do not care about or you just want a sexual thing with because “not all relationships will get to the altar”. Do not get me wrong. The whole point of a relationship is to be with someone you care about EXCLUSIVELY. Relationships are for companionship and friendships. Intentions can change once the relationship starts and you guys really bond with each other but we need to understand that marriage is not a reward nor form of achievement. Some people think every relationship that does not end in marriage is/was a waste of time. That’s the one I don’t agree with. A relationship is the time to find out if someone is right for you.

Everyone in one’s life is there for a purpose. Not everyone will stay as some are just to teach you life lessons (this phrase again!) you’ll need to fulfil your destiny and reach your utmost potential. They are to help you understand/discover yourself better. To make you see how worthy you are and able to know and/or reject what you do not want while recognising that you desire. A failed relationship does not mean you are a failure.

I guess the moral of my plenty plenty story is not all relationships will lead to marriage. Some will help you discover new restaurants or your favourite meal, things to gift your next significant other, new nicknames and how to be a better lover. On some rare occasions, some will help unlock your hidden talents or even kickstart that business idea you’ve had for so long but never implemented. All I’m saying is love hard when there’s love to be had. Even if it ends in tears, cry. Cry your eyes out until you cannot cry no more then comfort yourself and “locomove”.

Las las, we go dey alright ❤️