The Progress Thief

This is not going to be one of those posts where some mythical relatives are going to be labelled as the ones stealing your joy or refusing to let you progress in life. I do not swing that way. As we might have established by now, 80% of my blogposts are about matters of the heart. You may roll your eyes and say “not again” but it is written in the book of Proverbs and has definitely been proven that we should guard our hearts with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life. So “yes again!”.

The progress thief we would be discussing today is “closure”. I definitely do not mean the hair piece used to achieve that seamless hair finish. I am more bothered about the finality people keep chasing. The “I need closure” line that prompts most to making decisions they later will regret. The best friend of “I thy no”.

As humans, it’s natural to wonder and try to find reasons behind actions and reactions. We want to know why. It is the same reason young children touch hot surfaces and put everything in their mouths. Like they find out soon enough, it isn’t always as fun as it seems. We chase after shadows trying to find the light but we definitely fail to realise that the more the shadows envelope us, the harder it will be to see clearly. If we keep at it, at some point, our vision will be pitch black.

I know I am not Christ (even though I am an avid follower of His) so I’ll stop speaking in parables. As much as we’d like to deny or fight it, we know that all things possess an end date. All relationships (courtship, friendship, marriage) do. We all pray for the “till death do we part” type of end date but most times, we barely get that lucky. It is truly sad but it definitely is fine. We are more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. We’d always bounce back. Think about all the heartbreaks and sadness you experienced and truly thought you’d never recover from. In the grand scheme of things now, how important are they when compared to when they just freshly happened? See, las las we go dey alright!

Going back to the subject matter, why are we so fond of wanting closure when things end? Why can’t we just accept that even though we make all these plans, things can end bottoms up, and all we need is to pick ourselves up and just move on? We wait there wanting to hear their reasons. We want them to rue the day they said those words to us. We want to prove them wrong. We focus all our time and energy into making them eat their words. We pretend that we are living our best lives without them even though we are barely surviving. It all turns to a competition on who is having a better life. At the end of the day, we find out that we are barely living. Existing? Definitely. Living? Not so much.

I know it’s hard. You’d keep doubting your self worth. Keep wondering if there’s anything you did, didn’t do or could have done. You’ll replay the final days in your mind like you’re watching your favourite movie over. It is normal to feel this way and go through these things but waiting to hear that “I’m sorry. I was wrong” will never make anything better. You do not need to even go back to them asking for some sort of explanation. All it would mostly do is rip your further apart. If the apology does come, you’ll find out that hearing it doesn’t have the expected effect. The words will be like pouring water in an already full cup. No significant change.

What I’d advise is for you to backtrack, think of what you could have done better and implement it into your life. Work on yourself not to be better for the next friend or relationship but for yourself. You deserve the best version of you that you can be.

It might not seem like it right now but you will heal. You are not broken. There are no parts of you. You are “wholly whole”. Time truly heals all. We just need to give time some time.

As usual, I am always rooting for you.