My Dear Survivor,

When I was 13, I noticed that he had been touching me inappropriately for a while.

Growing up, I had had a lot of run-ins with sexual harassment but when I was 13, I realised that a family friend has been touching me inappropriately and this continued up until the end of my first year in the university. One day, I had had enough and I spoke up. The aftermath is an entire other story but the moral of that story is that it stopped.

I have a shirt that has a quote I coined which is “Not Perfect, Just Redeemed”. At the time, I was torn between using forgiven or redeemed and a good friend of mine helped me. Thinking back, I’m glad I went with redeemed. There’s just this beauty that comes with redemption. Not only are your sins blotted out forever. You are welcomed back into the fold with great jubilation.

When I started my active Christian journey, the first thing I needed to sort out was shame. I had carried around a lot of shame due to my past (both the things I did and the ones that were done to me). I had become a closed book and these things had become cards I held closely to my chest without ever revealing. You could know me thoroughly but at the same time, not know a single thing about me.

Then God began to have conversations with me. He made me understand the full extent of what He did on the cross. You see, salvation is strictly God’s business. Man had absolutely no hand in it. God saw you several thousand years ago. He saw your fears, faults, shortcomings and a host of other things and HE DECIDED THAT YOU WERE AND STILL ARE WORTH DYING FOR.

It’s funny that we survivors hear stories of other people getting assaulted sexually and we readily extend grace and kindness to them. However, where we are concerned, we treat ourselves with hardness expecting that we should have known better. The only cause for sexual assault is the perpetrators. Not your dressing, not your early puberty, not you going to visit or play with someone. None. The only reason for sexual assault is are those that assault.

While we need to readily extend grace to ourselves and others, we also need to carefully coach our older females concerning this issue. Rape is a pandemic that unfortunately is underreported. Most of these “aunties” that are quick to dish out shame and bash you based on your dressing, body type or a host of other inconsequential things only do so because they know no alternative. They have been conditioned right from a tender age to exhibit shame where these things are concerned. The internal shame and guilt they experience is what they readily project unto others. It is also the reason why they are actively in the act of covering things up and letting them die a silent death. It’s all they know.

While I believe we should speak up, I think we should also teach people how to uncover their shame and see the truth for what it really is.

He/she did not get assaulted

A man/woman assaulted him/her

The subject of the sentence should always be perpetrator. Sexual assault is not conjunctivitis. You did not “get it” or "catch it".

My dear survivor, in all you do, I pray you readily extend grace to yourself and others. I pray you have a safe space and be a safe space. I pray you heal properly and help others heal also. I pray you experience the love of God and let it fill all the cracks in your heart. I pray you are always kind to yourself. I pray you get rid of all the weight you carry around.

I love you and I’m always rooting for you. If you ever need to talk, I'll be right here ❤️

PS: My babe @theafricanyarrow on IG and @africanyarrow twitter just released her debut novel and it’s the best thing after jollof rice and grilled turkey. I am posting my favourite poem from the collection below. I know you’d love her novel as much as I do. Please buy it! https://selar.co/8tkd

I might just give out a signed copy of the book. Who knows!