#MeToo

When I was 8, my neighbours had a family member visit them during the holidays. It was that time of the year where schools were done with the session and “summer” had begun. He was a senior secondary school student and a lot older than I was – let’s call him Cousin E.

I spent quite a lot of my playing time with my neighbour’s son. He was two classes my junior and we went to the same school. I was almost always in their house until my mother screamed at me to come home for dinner. My cousin lived in the same building but she usually followed her mother to her shop.

It was barely two days since Cousin E arrived that the harassment started. At first, he trailed my every movement with his eyes. It wasn’t the usual curiosity. It was sort of threatening. I started getting uncomfortable and kept to myself. He hung out a lot with my older brother and tried to invite me into their conversations, but I always declined saying they were meant for secondary school students.

After a week of feeling unsafe, I begged my cousin’s mum to let her stay home more often so I could have someone to play with. My parents were usually at work and we were being taught to be independent. My aunt agreed to my request and I noticed that whenever I was with people, he would ignore me but later corner me to ask suggestive questions.

Soon after, he asked me to be his girlfriend with promises of money and a phone. I declined. I had just gotten a phone for emergencies and I never saw the need for another. He would try to sway my decision by buying me confectioneries but I always declined. I never felt safe in his presence and he didn’t “touch my private part” so I didn’t know I was to report to an adult.

It was another day of avoiding their apartment when the incident occurred. I was at home with my cousin playing at the car park when Cousin E called me. Since he was older, I couldn’t just ignore him so I went to find out what he wanted. He asked for a kiss which I declined politely. He became forceful and I screamed then he left me alone. I asked my cousin if we could leave to her apartment and she agreed. After a few steps, we realised he was hastily following us so we tried to run but just as we opened the door to her apartment, he caught up with us. He shoved my cousin aside, pushed me into the house and locked the door. He then demanded for a kiss but I refused again.

Right now, I remember the crippling fear I felt. I thought I was going to be murdered. He held both my hands above my head and tried to kiss me, but I kept moving my head until I summoned courage and told him that I would scream so loud that he would get in trouble. He was surprised but didn’t care. He was about to forcefully kiss me when we heard a loud banging accompanied with an adult male voice. He threatened me to not tell anyone except I wanted him to inflict body harm on my brother and I, then he opened the door.

A fellow neighbour, who happened to be a single male, had been alerted by my crying cousin. My neighbour looked pointedly at Cousin E and asked what was going on. As expected, he became a charming version of himself and replied that we were just having a discussion. When he was asked why the door was locked, he replied that the wind must have shut it after he entered. My neighbour walked up to him, looked at him distastefully and dragged me away from that scene.

I remember walking out of that apartment into my cousin’s arms and telling her “thank you”. My neighbour smiled at me and went back to his apartment. Cousin E like a snake, slunk out and walked back to his visiting apartment, but not before giving my cousin a death stare. The irony of the situation was my cousin and I had been sternly warned to not go into our single male neighbour’s apartment for any reason, but at that moment she realised I was in grave danger, so she knocked on his window instead.

Cousin E left about a week later without an apology for his actions and didn’t come back the following summer. I never spoke about the incident to anyone and no one said anything to me. We left the house a year and a few months after the incident, and I suppressed it so much that I forgot about it.

A few years back, Cousin E found me on Instagram and followed me but never messaged. I was on my way home a few days back and was checking the notifications for a picture I posted the day before when I saw that he liked my picture. In a blink, I was back to being 8 and scared; it took me writing this post to remind myself that he couldn’t hurt me anymore. I go too treat his fuckup. He’s married with a daughter by the way.

I really hope we understand that sexual abuse runs deeper than just penetration. I also hope we teach our children, all children, the various things to look out for and most importantly, remind them that they will always be heard and believed. It is never the fault of the survivor. Heck, I was a tomboy 8 year old whose favourite thing was to climb mango trees and play hide and seek, but I blamed myself for developing too early and having breasts. It wasn’t my fault.

Lastly, let’s remind them to watch out for each other. There would always be predators, some in the form of parents. Let your child be able to tell you everything and anything especially when things are amiss.