Is My Head Really Correct?

I have a date in about two hours. I’ll probably use the picture I take there as my blogpost header. Anyway, about 3 minutes ago, I realised that I actually have trauma I haven’t worked through.

“Trauma ke? God forbid o” you might say. Well, let me explain.

- Lelo Osidipe (01/06/2022)

So I met this guy and after a while of talking and hanging out, he asked me out on an official date. Initially, I was excited as I had just gotten some date night outfits and it seemed like the universe was finally listening to me. I agreed to the date and planned my outfit (which he chose sef. I stan a king that knows what he wants). We spoke at intervals during the day and he confirmed that we were still on for that evening but while I was wearing my fit in my head, I told myself not to do a facebeat as I didn’t want to waste my makeup. Because I’m my best and favourite therapist, I asked myself what I meant by that and na there can of worms open.

I have/had gotten so used to being disappointed by past lovers and enemies (some of them don’t deserve that first title abeg) that I had begun to see it as normal. I had come to the conclusion that this man would stand me up even though nothing pointed at it and the facebeat I was going to do would be wasted. Infact, was tempted to not dress up until he said he was close by. In the bat of an eyelash, I had gone from excited to fearful and I had started to feel a tad disappointed even though the date had not even happened.

You see, some of us walk around thinking that we are fine meanwhile we are all shades of messed up inside. Not me sha! I’m a child of Jesus!! Glorrraaaaayyyy 🔥. We feel like we have shaken off all remnants of our past hurts and have moved past it all. Professional hard guy way. Just like an unwanted plant that sprouts and sucks all nutrients meant for the initially wanted plants, we realise at some point in our lives that there are still hurts and we are actually broken.

I wish I could tell you the best way to work through your issues. Sadly, I’m still on that journey but if I reach the end, I’ll definitely come back to pull you out. The only candid advice I can give is that you should have real, hard and uncomfortable conversations with yourself and close friends. Do “customer feedback forms” with people you’ve been in past ships with that actually have sense and you’re somewhat cool with. Once you gather enough information on what your traumas are and how they are expressed, put in the work to be better. It would be a very rough journey and a few tears would be shared more often than not but it’s a rewarding one.

Also, before you date someone, please take time out to ask about their past experiences. This is just for you as much as it is for them. Understand what they have been through and how it might show up in their interactions with you. Ask questions where you need clarification and be quite thorough in your decision to be with them. No use chewing gum cover your eye o. You sef make sure that your head is seemingly correct too abeg!

When you find out their trauma (childhood or relationship), certify that you can live with the representation of it. Be extra kind and patient with them. Love them extra on their difficult days especially with reassurance. Put a kiss on every of their insecurities. Be a kind person.

Please note that there’s a difference between having insecurities and being toxic. That I said you should be extra kind doesn’t mean you should pick uphill battles you cannot win.

All I’m trying to say is that people are literally going through or have been through a lot on these streets. Some of these people don’t even know that their heads are not correct like that. Be a kind partner… and person please. No be only the people you dey kiss deserve good thing 🙄

Las las, everyone deserves love.

Selah!

P.S: It was amazing date! Loved every second of it and I was sad when it ended 🌚