Hurt Girls Don’t Cry 💪🏾

On opening my notepad, I had a perfect title and I knew what I wanted to talk about in my head but after about three lines, I deleted that shii. I wasn’t going to talk about the past anymore. I want to focus on the future. We move baby!

I realised while typing the first stuff that there’s not much advice on how to trust again after you’ve been hurt badly. There are steps on how to deal with grief and even a breakup all over the World Wide Web but there’s none on how to open your heart again and let yourself dream that all might be right with the world. Everyone tells you to get over the hurt and move on but there is no actual word from them on how to accurately move on.

In the case of a breakup, you will most definitely meet someone else that treats you even better than you have ever wanted to be treated (YES!!!! BE PATIENT). It’s so easy to fall for the person but everyday you keep telling yourself it will not work. You chant your mantra of “love is an open door to embarrassment” or something equally stupid just to remind yourself to never be caught unfresh. You pinch yourself a little too hard when you find yourself smiling a little too much and you try to distract yourself from totally gazing at him/her when you guys video call by finding things to do on your phone.

You make up a list of what is not right by your terms and you rattle it off to yourself at every given chance. Some days, you actually pick him/her over fear but just as quickly as the bravery showed up, it hides its tail and you’re back into your shell reminding yourself that you are the only bag that needs security. You constantly prepare yourself for the day you will not be wanted anymore and on some occasions, you get teary but YOU comfort yourself. “In this world of sin, I need only myself” you say.

To be honest, getting over someone is totally different from getting over a situation. Love is a plant that has to be watered so after a while, you fall out of love but fear on the other hand, is a plant that needs herbicides. It sucks up nourishment from you without giving you anything good in return. Your soul ends up falling sick and this shows up in different ways: depression, panic attacks, severe anxiety, insomnia, paranoia just to name a few. People are quick to remind you of the timeframe like pain has a calendar. “It’s been 12 months already” they chant. You try to scream about how you’re doing your best to leave that space but the words get lodged in your throat clawing their way for an escape. Well, they never come out because you swallow them back with the acceptance of what they all say. “But it has actually been a while” you tell yourself even thought the pain feels like it was just yesterday.

I can’t exactly tell you how to trust and love again. I am still hanging in there waiting for my brighter skies but my only consolation is that it does get better. It has to. Let’s give time some time. It is the perfect salve to every wound.

All I’m saying is, hang in there a little more for me. I love you and I’m totally rooting for you ❤️