“Piece by piece he restores my faith that a man can be kind and a father should be great”
It’s 4:20am. I am wide wake with hot tears streaming down my face and my mouth slightly open because I cannot breathe through my nose anymore. I am listening to “Piece by Piece”- an iconic song by Kelly Clarkson.
For someone with daddy issues, first listen of this song on an X-Factor clip, started a round of waterworks that I couldn’t help. As the sucker for punishment that I am, I went searching for the song and even did a little research on it. Listening to the full version sent me over the edge and reminded me that no matter how well I hide it, it still hurts. I am taken back to being 9 and the feeling of being unwanted definitely creeped back in.
I really hate how childhood trauma shapes you for life and the constant battles one has to fight to escape their shackles should be criminal. Sadly, you never can jail them. You can only get the much needed help through therapy (if you can afford good ones) while hoping that one day, you will only have a bittersweet smile with no feelings of inadequacy.
It’s sad that everything I faced from September 2007 till now (still a lot of drama) has shaped me and somewhat tainted my view on love and friendship. I hate that I have to constantly remind myself that no matter who leaves, I will always be fine so far I have myself. I hate that I always have to be on guard and never let myself truly feel nor enjoy things. I hate that I always have to be resilient. Hard guy on the outside but akamu on the inside.
Lately, my therapist has been on my case because she feared a relapse. I am going to reply the message she sent me early this morning letting her greatest fears have been realised. Las las, she’ll be fine.
For now, I’ll put this song on repeat and cry myself to sleep while wondering why life dealt me this hand. Once I wake up, I’ll be back to my default mode of reminding myself that I’m the releast nigga on my team and I’ll surely be fine.
Totally spent but Kelly baby, you’re one lucky bitvh! I’m happy for you ❤️
❤️❤️❤️
The fact that I can relate to this & it was something I still thought about this week, you’re amazing & a very strong person 💕 I’m rooting for you
Wow It must have taken so much strength to share this with the world. Thanks for sharing it with us. You're super strong oh. Even at an emotional moment, you have chosen to display strength. You are truly amazing 🤗
Thank you for showing true strength and letting go. The only way to go is up. I'm rooting for you.