A “God when” guide to enjoying Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is here finally and for some unknown reason the craze is a lot more this year. It’s particularly hard for me cos well....first valentine as a single person again and my last year’s valentine gift keeps mocking me from its throne on my bedside table but guess what? We always locomote!

I have finally accepted that I’m mostly alone this year with the exception of my dogs as even my mum has a date. Since I cannot come and kill myself, I have decided to have fun to the maximum in my own way and I will be sharing a few ways you can chase away the “God am I your stepchild” blues and refuse to allow ndi relationship press your necks and fry you like fish.

1. Create a playlist of upbeat songs you truly love and enjoy. Get a good pair of earphones or headset, turn the volume up and have your karaoke plus dance sessions. I’d advice you keep the love/heartbreak songs out of the playlist. Imagine remembering about Valentine’s Day when vibing to Naira Marley’s soapy? Definitely can’t happen. O te sele bo!!!!!!! Marlians don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day.

2. Get yourself a gift. Who cares if the gift isn’t from a significant other? Get yourself that meal or item you’ve had your eyes on for a while. Splurge away. You only live once. There is no rice at home this time. Retail shopping and food are the answer to all questions.

3. Get a hilarious “God when” partner. Get a friend or sibling that you are close to and you all should make fun of yourselves while cracking jokes and gossiping. After a while you’ll realise that getting a bodywash or singlet from that cheating partner is definitely not all that and the breakup was the best thing. As for me, my sister, my granddaughter and my precious are in for it. They will be getting live updates of my day as it unfolds.

4. Binge watch/catch up on your favourite shows or movies. Tomorrow is a perfectly good time to catch up on all your favourite shows you’ve been procrastinating. You know that movie you saw the trailer a while ago and never got around to watching? Yup! Tomorrow is the day to finally watch it. Get snacks, drinks and fire away. Please let the movie be preferably comedy. Laugh away your day.

5. Read a book. Books are a perfect way to be transported into an imaginative universe. Pick a book by your favourite author or do a random selection, set your mind free and travel. If you end up finishing the book, it would be too late and you’d end up sleeping right after. If you don’t end up finishing, you will still end up sleeping right after. Sounds like a win win for me.

6. Do something you truly enjoy. It could be you cleaning out your house, cooking, baking, writing, eating, visiting a friend, hanging out with your parents, annoying your dogs, anything. Do something you totally enjoy. It’s all about you dearie.

7. The most important one!!!!!!! Reduce time spent on social media. There are a lot of people that are trying to pour pepper in our eyes tomorrow. Please flee from all sights of evil even if it is just a shadow. Do not be caught unguarded. Reply only important messages or forego the entire thing and tell people to call you instead. Also, DO NOT STALK YOUR EX!!!!

As for me, I’d be stuffing myself with food, catching up on SGIT, God whening with my sister and asking “God do I have body odour” at every chance I get. If you need someone to make your day a little easier, holla at me on IG @lelo_vicks or Twitter @lemme_alone.

I’m also contemplating opening a “singles forum” for we the single ones. Should I? Which of the items above would you be doing? Let me know in the comment section.