Lelo v2.8
- Lelo “Ajikawo” Osidipe
- 6 hours ago
- 4 min read
If you’re reading this, it is my birthday. The most important birthday present you can give me today (asides a miillion dollars) is to say a word of prayer, love and encouragement for me. If possible, I’d love if you could send it via email. This would ensure that I ‘d have forever access to cherish it. My email address is osidipeoluwalolope@yahoo.co.uk
You are complying! Thank you!
Fun fact: I wrote this article in April and when it was time to publish it, I lost the taste for it and got the grand idea to use it for my birthday post. Well, I hope it holds as much water in your heart like it does in mine.
I had a coffee date with my younger self today.
We both got there on time and she was amused. “Glad to see that I have not lost my promptness”, she said with a smirk. I laughed because she had no idea how angry she would feel down the line at the tardiness of others; best for her to find out herself.
She ordered an iced coffee. I did the same. We looked at each other and burst into laughter. I let her know that her guilty pleasure in drink form was something now readily available to her on Sundays. She was amazed. “Does Mum know you’re drinking coffee?” she asked. With a smile, I let her know that Mum begged for her coffee sometimes. I also told her how she was now in control and not at risk of getting addicted anymore.
She nodded in thought then called to the waiter, “Sorry, can I have a chocolate milkshake instead?”. I looked at her with pride. I was already rubbing off on her the right way.
Our orders came and we got right down to business. Her first question was as expected. “Did the pain in our chest ever stop? Did we ever find happiness? At least I can see that we are still here so I know we didn’t follow through with our plans”. At that moment, I thought back to the little, broken child in front of me and all the voices screaming in her head. With teary eyes and a lump in my chest, I simply said “Yes”, but scooted my chair over to hers, and held on to her.
“You’re not damaged, Oluwalolopemi. You’re beautiful, kind, smart and important. You are not just taking up space on earth but are here for a purpose. A lot of lives would suck without you. I wish I could give you the details but trust me. It will all make sense soon. You are yet to meet all of the people that will truly love you. You’re even yet to discover how much your family adores you. Just hang in there for a little longer baby. You’ll see. Instead of burning out, you’ll burn even brighter. Instead of killing yourself, you’ll die to self and live for Christ.”
“Christ?” she scoffed. “He cannot want anything to do with me. He doesn’t even answer me when I pray”. I could see her empty, cold eyes with disbelief and hurt etched deeply into her facial features. It was a stark contrast to my happy and calm self. My heart truly broke for the girl who carried the burden and guilt the size of a mountain on her shoulders. I hugged her once again, held on tightly and soon, we began weeping together. Knowing that I saw her pain and had felt it was all the communication we needed.
After a few minutes, she spoke abruptly. “Wait! How old are you?”. I knew where this was going so I answered with a laugh. She exclaimed, “That’s way past 2020. Why are we still unmarried?”. You could see the alarm and confusion on her face.
Truthfully, I didn’t know how to answer her question. Was I to speak about the wrong men over the years or about us being the wrong woman some of the times or about the PTSD we experienced for the longest that made us shut down or the inability for us to find someone interesting enough to hold our attention who also shared similar values, faith and emotions with us?
With a smile not quite reaching my eyes, I told her “It just hasn’t happened yet but it will soon”. I don’t know what she saw in my face but she squeezed my hand and bobbed her head. I sat there hoping this revelation would at least force her to make better choices.
In our usual fashion, I started giving her all the gists and financial advice I could. We spent a lot of time giggling, laughing or sighing deeply, especially when I told her about the current Dollar-Naira exchange rate. Soon, it was time to leave so I gave her one final big hug and said “Your sister’s prayers over you will be answered someday. You’ll find purpose in God”. She gave a small hopeful smile not truly believing me but as her Uber tried to pull away, I called out “Oh you’ll start writing again and will finally do therapy”. I saw the horror on her face but I did not have time to clarify which was intentional on my part. She had to face the idea that the two things that scared her the most were things she’d face and come out unscathed. It would boost her to make tough decisions as she journeyed through life.
I sat down for a few minutes soaking the entirety of our conversation and with a deep sigh, patted myself on the back for how far I had come. I smiled knowing she had heard all she needed to for the season she was in.
I then pulled up several ride-hailing apps to get a fare estimate while considering if jumping a bus was a better option.
I love my birthday! While it is a time for genuine reflection and evaluation, every year is also a reminder of how far I have come and how much farther He will take me. My life is a testament that God is good and the potency of His transformative power. If you don’t believe in God, just take a look at me. That’s all the proof you need about His existence.
While there is still work to be done, I’m learning, unlearning and understanding new patterns.
Still, here is to version 2.8!
I’m excited for all it has in store for me ❤️
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