Fill In The Blank 🧑🏾‍🏫

The idea for this blog post struck me on January 30th while conversing with a Yoruba man. Initially, I had a different approach, focusing on what love meant to me and asking you to share your thoughts as well. However, after a slightly difficult conversation with the same man almost two months later, my perspective shifted.

In recent times, love has begun to mean clarity to me. Through therapy, I have uncovered my childhood traumas and their triggers. As the wise woman I am, I find it extremely ridiculous to know better, be armed with enough tools to do better and yet continue down a path that will not serve me. Feeling like an afterthought for a chunk of my childhood has made me unwilling to put myself in or tolerate situations that mirror those feelings. It is the reason why I am comfortable enough to leave people and situations without looking back. I’ve seen what I need to see and I would be taking my leave now.

My romantic life (or lack thereof, depending on whom you ask) has been tumultuous as I mentioned in my last post. I have been told previously that they were too emotionally bankrupt to continue loving me, were unsure on how they felt about me because while they liked me they also believed something better could be out there, could not take a stand on being with me because their parents wanted a different woman for them and most recently, they need to be sure that this is what they really want as opposed to just going along with things because it is nice.

Let’s be real though. There is no better than me. I am also never the problem as I am utterly perfect. Perfect in love, perfect in beauty, perfect in purpose and perfect in Christ.

My dear friend, Alkasim, loves to quote Maya Angelou, “Love is many things but never unsure”, and I subscribe to her school of thought wholeheartedly. If this post took its original direction and I indeed asked you to fill in the gap of what love is to you, I am certain that not one person will say unsure or uncertain and that is my bone of contention in relationships. The moment you start to doubt or lose conviction in being with me, that is the beginning of the end of what we were or could have been. Yes, love is a decision and not a feeling, but your feelings drive those decisions. I want to be chosen every day, flaws included (if I have any because I’m perfect🌚), without fear of being left.

In my 2020 post, “Hurt Girls Don’t Cry”, I asked for practical guidance on learning to trust oneself after a series of bad decisions. Sadly, no one could help me, and fear was one of the reasons I remained single for so long. What if I managed to pick the wrong person yet again? However, I’ve finally learnt the trick to trusting oneself after a lot of mistakes, and I have decided to share my vast knowledge with you. Say thank you…

Well, the answer simple. You need to accept that it’s okay to make mistakes. Failure is not a blemish nor the opposite of success. Instead, it is part of it. Failure is not a person, character or personality, but a secluded event. You need to fail forward because that way you will make success a pattern and not an isolated occurrence. While failure is never palatable as it is happening, it teaches you more than you realise and provides invaluable insight for areas of improvement. It can be the catalyst you need to achieve all you need.

Now, I am not asking you to intentionally place yourself in the wrong positions so you can fail and learn. However, I am asking you to be vulnerable enough to try new things without letting fear hold you back. Meet new people, fall in love again and love hard when there is love to be had. Apply again for that program or position, taking the feedback you got during the initial interview process into consideration. Try again and again, ensuring that you are at least 1% better each time.

Look at life like a game of Candy Crush. To play level 152, you must have passed level 4. The skills you learnt in level 32 will also come in handy. It might seem impossible to pass this current level as you keep exhausting your moves. However, with each trial, you master that level better until you succeed eventually. Also, asking for pointers from a friend who has passed that level previously will save you a world of grief.

As a believer in the gospel of Christ (which is the greatest thing I strongly believe everyone should be as Jesus is the ONLY way), understand that God works in you to will and do of His good pleasure. It is not you who lives, but Christ in you, and He orders your steps like food off a restaurant menu. No matter your mistakes and shortcomings, God can and will bring good out of your story. It will end well because your Father is the emperor of the universe. If you fail to trust yourself and your decisions, trust the one who lives in you and has placed those thoughts and desires in your heart. Pray about your fears. He is always available to listen and help.

For some unknown reason, all the men I shaded in this blog post are Yoruba. At this point, I am starting to question my decision-making skills because why do I get involved with Yoruba men time and again???? Do I hate my life??? Contrary to my decisions, I want a love that feels like home and answered prayers. A love that reaffirms my healing and soothes my soul. A love calm, peaceful, celebratory, and a reminder that there is a God in heaven who is immersed in love with me. I want a love that sees the entirety of me, loves the light I am to the world and honours me as part of his devotion to God. I want a love I look forward to coming home to. A love I am the most vulnerable with. A love that feels tailor-made for me, even though there would definitely be some fitting processes.

Like my dear friend, Red, prayed for me last year, a love that sees me clearly, holds me gently, and matches my heart in depth and kindness. A love that reflects the beauty of my spirit - one rooted in peace, joy, and deep understanding. A love from someone who understands my worth without needing to be told. Someone who doesn’t just add to my life, but honours the light I already bring into the world. Someone who sees me through God’s eyes, treasures my heart, covers me in prayer, and walks beside me with grace.

To the narrow-minded, it seems like all I want is too much. However, my Father owns a thousand cattle on the hills. I believe with every iota of my being that God has sons. Serious, clear-minded, intelligent, wealthy, romantic, emotionally mature, family-oriented, from good homes and emotionally healed sons. I know for certain that I’ll get my own son of God in a meet cute orchestrated by Him, and that’s on period! I’ll definitely be back with my Isaac, as you must rejoice with me.

Until next month, listen to and enjoy this song by the phenomenal band Queen, another one bites the dust 🤭🤭🤭